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That Fool Dave Saves the Empire

Before we start… Of course, I mean the American empire, not because it’s the most important empire necessarily, or because it is the worst… or best… but simply because I live here, and I know the most about this particular empire.

While I do admit, that we are an empire, I would always try to insist that we add the qualifier, economic empire…  and over this issue I have had much disagreement with progressive friends.  I often, for example, remind some of my progressive friends who insist that this is the “evil American empire trying to control the world”…  Well… Not really.  For the most powerful military nation in the world, we have probably taken less territory, than any other.  At no time in human history, that I can think of, has the most powerful nation in the world, taken so little territory.  We have also never fought the “We’re the best in the world and everyone else should die” war, as most nations have.

The response is often…  “Well, that’s not how it’s done anymore, you don’t take territory, you finance puppets, and back people it’s all economic”.  To my progressive friends who agree with this sentiment… Yes, you are right… Thanks to America, pure warfare, and the theft of territory, directly by force, is now slowly going the way of the buffalo.  We are a brutal economic empire… but, simply by virtue of choosing this path, after inventing the bomb…  The United States of America, permanently changed the game among first world nations.

That being said… In our wars of aggression, or revenge, or profit, in Iraq, and Afghanistan, we took an enormous step backwards, and have begun to resemble the empires that all of humanity once feared.  I like to believe, that this will go down as the worst decade in American history, that we will return to our shores and once again leave the people of the world alone, save to occasionally sell them the few products we actually make well.  If we continue the path of old school imperialism into Iran… We will regret it.  Not because America will lose… Simply because human life will be lost needlessly, and everyone loses in that case.

The people of the United States of America, want to compete with our neighbors…  economically.  We don’t want to compete with any of you militarily…  You’re not competition in that venue…  If people choose the path of territorial old school warfare again, the United States of America, will be the nation that turns the surface of the earth to glass, and shatters it on the crust.  The ancient ways of humanity are over, whether the rest of the world likes in or not… because of mutually assured destruction.  If you think the United States is trying to take over Afghanistan or invade China, you’re mad.  That’s not how it works anymore… but for what it is worth, that is one thing that you can thank America for, as well as our brutal competitors, the Russians and Chinese.

There are no terrorists in the world like us.  We’re the crazy ones.  We built the mechanism for the destruction of humanity, in the hopes that it would bring world peace and prosperity… Islamic fundamentalists have nothing on that logic.  So…  Spaghetti monster in the sky please save the American empire… by disassembling it, and returning it to the free democratic republic it once was.  Get the Army corps of engineers to teach the Army how to rebuild Detroit, and get the hell back to home soil.  Fix the NDAA, end the Patriot Act, Free Bradley Manning, and impose a human rights tariff…  Wait, that’s our job as active citizens.  Fuck You Spaghetti Monster in the Sky!…  Sometimes I’m not even sure if I believe in you at all.

In short, economic imperialism, was an enormous upgrade from it’s predecessor… but it’s not good enough, and stop going backwards America.


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